Why Am I Still Single?

I'm sure, for a lot of women who are single, this question comes up ever so often in their minds. I'm also sure, that if women took the time to honestly look at themselves and try to answer this question, they could, and if they were honest with themselves, they would probably be able to 'fix the problem' of being single. How many of us women, when thinking about our single status look at the situation in terms of 'there are no good men out there' or 'men are completely unable to commit themselves to a relationship' etc. The blame is most always turned towards the men. We rarely take the time to look at ourselves and see the speck in our own eyes. Here are some things I think we should consider when trying to answer the "why am I single" question.

1. Are our expectations reasonable? Of course, high expectations are not unreasonable. I would never suggest that any woman 'settle' for less than she thinks she deserves but please stop with the fairy tale expectations, they are conjured up by people in small rooms smoking weed all day...Trust me.

2. What do we have to offer? What do you actually have to bring to the relationship? And no, spinning around in your fake Gucci shoes and saying 'all this should be enough' is not enough and if you think sex is it, well hey, sex is great but it's not something men can't get anywhere else. Seriously, what is special about you?

3. In the beginning it goes both ways don't expect that the onus is completely on the man. I see so many women sitting around with the expectation that the man should be the one who goes all out. Give the man something to hold on to, to make him know you are also interested. If you keep playing hard to get, he will leave eventually.

4. How much do you nag? OMG I used to nag and you know what? I didn't even know I was doing it. I couldn't understand why he didn't see I was trying to be helpful or asking those questions or pointing out the issues because I was trying to make things better. Believe me, men do not look at it that way. Let the small things go and sometimes just let men be men because they can't be anything else.

5. Do you even really want to be in a relationship? Ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship? Are you ready to work at it, to deal with all that comes with a relationship or you just want a best friend to sleep with when you want? It's a lot of work and if you aren't ready to work at it, Believe me you are not ready.

I'm no expert but these are a few things I've noticed....that's my 2 cents anyways.

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And The Cycle Continues...

Originally written on Jan 22, 2011.

So...DJ Coppercat was gunned down at his house today. Sad, very sad. Unfortunately not new. Nothing novel about it, and that is even just as sad as his death. I'm trying not to keep a mental count on how many entertainers have lost their lives violently. I try not to keep a mental note of how many people in general I hear have died violently. I'm just not built for that kind of thing.

In any cause, in light of Coppercat's death I am waiting for the entertainment fraternity to start their usual uproar. I expect to see people in Half Way Tree holding prayer vigils. I expect to hear outcry that "This Must End", and the like, and I expect that to be ALL that is done. AND you know what else? I expect all of this to last only until his burial and then things will go back to normal. People will continue about their daily lives doing what they did before. I expect artistes to continue to write lyrics promoting violence against their rivals and groups in society that they are morally in opposition to. I expect to see the artistes hurling insults at each other in social media (do I need to cite "Badgyal Cecile's rant" on Twitter the other day? see ) and I expect violence to continue to be as high as it is in Ja.

It's such a sad time that we live in. It's now "in" to be obnoxious and "irreverent" as some people put it. People couldn't care less about others nowadays. The more you talk trash about people and advance ideas that suggest that 'I am the baddest and I don't give a fuck" the more popular you are. Check Twitter for example and the "IJA" it's their modus operondi to speak ill of people and tout how bad they are and how much they couldn't care less and how do people respond: look what tweets get retweeted. It's in an environment where attitudes like that are rampant that violence will also be rampant.
What am I doing? I won't even begin to pretend that I have some large scale idea to stem violence in Jamaica. I won't pretend to be 'better than' others, holy and self righteous. I do however realize that by just refusing to be combatant and obnoxious, abrasive especially without cause, I will prevent at least myself and the people around me from being involved in a violent interaction that involves me. I chose how my interactions will go as much as I can. I hate that the cycle of violence continues. I really wish people would realize just how much of it could be avoided if they started with themselves. That's just my two cents. Salut.

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This Old House

I spent my early childhood in a little community in St. Catherine called Guys Hill. I have real fond memories of those days. It was a very humble community, what people would probably call ‘backward”. We were the only one’s in our little district in Waterford, Guys Hill who even had a freezer; we made very good money selling ice- I smile at that now.

I visit every once in a while. A lot of my family still lives there, like my Grandfather and Grandma and a hosts of cousins and aunts. I visited that old house recently. It was great being back, I really did feel like a kid again. I took some pics of the things I had in that house that I found there today. Things that still work! I couldn’t believe it. Like the old Piano that I spent so much time on. My grandaunt says I used to slip out of bed at night and make a ton of noise on that thing when everyone else was sleeping. lol. I don’t remember that but I believe her. I saw my favourite little teapot aaawww its so cute. I managed to steal it away  .

So many memories when I think about that old house. Everyone I shared that home with is gone now but all the things remain. When I step inside it’s almost as though I’m back in 1991 again smiling with my great grandfather and my grandaunt and getting licks for not wanting to take a bath, doing my homework in front of the tv, plaiting my grandaunts hair and helping her sew.  I should go back more often because that’s when I feel closest to the people I loved so much and miss even more!

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TALK Di THINGS -My NCB Experience

I'm a stickler for good customer service. So, I try everything in my power to not have to deal with people face to face, because customer service is really lacking in JA.So, I was rather happy as an NCB customer to have my midas card, my credit cards AND online services at my disposal. That meant- never having to go into the branch! Yay me! Right? Well, yeah, it means that UNLESS something horrible happens....*cue sensational music*

On a few occasions I have had to visit the bank. On this occasion I was rather annoyed by the fact that a vendor had run the transaction on my card more than once and debited my card twice. So, of course, I went in to rectify the problem. Whenever I have to deal with customer service, I'm always on the defensive, ready to go in and storm the place. ( I just cant help it, too many bad experiences). So, I went into the branch and the first thing that threw me off my war path was the fact that this customer service rep. was actually smiling and very pleasant and upbeat. Not the usual, "I have to be here so let's get on with it" demeanor I normally encounter. I explained my problem and and she was quick to apologize for the inconvenience even though it was no fault of the bank. (Here I am, starting to feeling less and less agitated) She continued to explain the procedure I would need to go through and helped me to fill out the required form, unlike some other places that give you a form to fill out while they deal with other customers. She told me it wold take about two weeks for the matter to be sorted out because the bank had to do their own investigations. Normally I would have been annoyed again that it would take so long but, the sincerely pleasant demeanor of the customer service rep. made me just say "Ok".(I was actually smiling at this point). Anyways I left the bank feeling calm amazed at how stress free the situation was. No long unnecessary waiting and no attitude from the customer service rep. Kudos to NCB, I thought.

People refuse to realize just how important customer service really is. Had I been met with a stoic or abrasive individual, things would have gone completely different and I might not have wanted to continue banking with NCB. And, would you believe that things actually got better, AFTER I left the branch? I was so surprised when, someone from the branch called me to let me know the matter had be sorted out and the money had been credited to my account! I was shocked. little ole me! I don't have a hefty account balance and I don't bring a lot of business to the bank, I thought only 'big shots' got that kind of treatment. I didn't sound it on the phone, but I was actually smiling widely when she called. So, of course, I'm even more likely to continue to bank with NCB because they know that customer service really matters and I can feel my account is safe.

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I Might Have Grown Up In A Cult

So...A cult by definition (affording to Oxford Online) "Is a system of religious veneration and devotion directed towards a particular figure or object". Now, usually, cults worship things or people outside of the normal realms of acceptance by the wider society...u know like those crazy koolaid, actually it was grape Flavor Aid drinking people...check out that Jim Jones Story Here.

Anyway so, about me and this cult now. We actually worshiped God, sang from regular hymn books, did regular things like pray, erect a church in plain view for the public to see, people could only have one spouse etc. etc. This probably explains why I, only in retrospect, have the inclination to think that maybe this one was a little bit more than it appeared to be. Why am I suspicious then, you might ask? Weeeeellll....there are these few little tidbits...

- although I was pretty young and details are a bit less than forthcoming, I have recollections of large gatherings in a field in the middle of the night singing and dancing and chanting. What we sang, chanted and danced about I can't seem to remember. At the time it seemed quite normal to me and I would never question my dear Aunt about such things-I trusted her wholly and completely.
-Then there was the blessing of THE CHAIR. I know every church blesses new furniture that comes to the building. A prayer and a little spiel is customary and accepted. THIS blessing of the chair however, well. First off, it lasted all day. The next thing is, it happened at my house (I probably neglected to say how deep in this cult my family probably was, with one of the main churches being in our yard and all.) There was a crown! I have nothing more to say on that one.

-Like every other church, we had different branches. Lots of different branches in different parishes. What was a bit peculiar, and this might just be me, is that fact that the people were separated in church. There were three rows; one for men, one for women and one for visitors. Children sat in an upstairs balcony area monitored by what I call church babysitters. What's that all about? Anyways
-There was also the wearing of the white uniforms by women. That's not so strange. What really got me was the fact that if anyone ever got wind of any 'sin' committed, you would be relegated from pureness and had to wear plain clothes! You were too unclean to wear the usual whites! Ha! You had to repent of your sins and I'm too young to know what you had to do to get back to pureness.

-The killing of the animals is another thing that.....

Hmmm guys, this is getting long, you guys will have to check back tomorrow for part two....

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